stop negating, start accepting

back on january 1, i quit with the “i’m going to give up diet coke” or “i’m not going to eat a single bite of ice cream”  new years resolutions and decided i wanted to choose something more meaningful.

i, like many other women, am terrible at receiving compliments.  before you can finish giving the compliment, i’ve already started negating it in some way or the other.  just the other day at work, a co-worker complimented me on my weight-loss and i, quickly, told her “well it’s not cause i’ve lost any weight in the last couple days, it’s probably just this shirt i’m wearing”.  why?  why did i feel the need to say that?  she was being genuine (she’s one to call me out on the good and bad, which i like about her) and i was too uncomfortable with myself to simply say “thank you”.

then, yesterday, i read heather’s blog post about the same. exact. thing. and while reading, i realized that others had written about this very same topic, as well.  it’s everywhere.  so why do we feel like we can’t just receive a compliment in today’s society?  i posted a comment on how i’m horrible at accepting compliments and woke up to this reply:

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i couldn’t help but smile, and even after a night of tossing, turning, and awful nightmares/hallucinations, my day had already started out awesome.  so thanks, heather!  i owe my good mood to you, today!

 

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here’s the thing about me, if i think i’m having a good make-up or hair day, i’m quick to throw up a selfie on instagram. it’s a good feeling to receive a compliment on them  (you can call me vein if you want) but i don’t put the pictures out there because i’m fishing for compliments. i know, however, that in THAT moment, i felt really good about myself and i owned it.

some days, i do truly believe i’m a beautiful person, hell, i’ve even recently entered into a contest to be considered as a plus size model.  but some days, i hate every single thing about myself and pick myself apart, and as soon as someone else says something nice, all i want to do is bash myself.

i can honestly say that i love my smile (that never received braces).  i love my eyebrows (that took a few years of tweezing to finally master). i love my eyes (that can change colors from green to hazel to brown, depending on the day).  i love my hair (that is thick and wavy and takes entirely too much time to style, on certain days). I LOVE MYSELF. 

 

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over the years,  i learned to stop focusing on what others think and truly focus on what i think.  i’ve weeded out quite a few friends because i felt like all they did was bring me down and make me feel bad about myself.  i even had to stop visiting my parents as much because all the negativity was too much for me to handle.

so, obviously, i broke my new year’s resolution, although every time i break it, i’m at least conscious of what i’m doing.  hopefully, by next year, i’ll be able to simply say “thank you”.  i’m at a better place today than i was a year ago, and hopefully in the next year, i’ll be in an even better place.  i want to be able to look in the mirror and ALWAYS be happy with what i see.  i want to receive a compliment from someone and ALWAYS mean the thank you that follows.  i want to ALWAYS love ME.  and i’m slowly making the changes in my life that will make all those reality.

thanks for listening. :)

 

Q: how are you at receiving a compliment?  if you’re good at it, have you always been like that?

 

 

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4 thoughts on “stop negating, start accepting

  1. Oh my gosh girl, this made me smile SOOOO much!! Ahh, I literally just clapped my hands together all giddy school girl style! Lol! I totally get what you mean with the Instagram selfies and feeling uber confident but then on the flip side totally tearing yourself apart. Ha, after publishing that post on Sunday and then having a great rest of the week, I’ve been a Negative Nancy for the last two days. Just wish I could get out of my head sometimes, ya know?

    PS, that last picture of you takes my breath away!
    PPS, I can’t believe you’ve never had braces! Lucky duck!

    • thanks for all the kind words :) and i’m the same way being a neg. nancy. I can walk out of the house in an outfit and LOVE the way I love.. then I go to the bathroom a few hours later and i HATE the way i look. its crazy how are brains can do this to us!!!

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